They and you.

They never tell you, 
Every time you fight
a part of your heart, will crack
and leave a forever scar. 

They never tell you, 
To care with all your heart
is stupid, 
unconditional love is for someone else's benefit. 

They lie to you, 
when they profess love for you, 
You are just someone they need, 
for as long as they feel. 

They lie to you, 
on your face 
and behind your back, 
The guilt is always yours to keep. 

But you never seem to learn, 
giving them one more chance
to prove you right, 
to save your pride. 

But you never seem to learn, 
And so you fall again, 
And again you open your heart, 
So that it can be broken again. 

You and Me

With you,
too much is not much...
i want more, much more
and i don't know, don't know
if we are meant to be together
or apart...
all i know is,
our love is a love of excess...
more lips, more soul,
more hands, more hips,
more touch, more feel
and i wonder,
if i am ruining all we had
and had not...
ending up being incomplete
devouring all i can and cannot
and left with nothing
of my own...

Unborn

i thought of you
and let my heart wander
where i had you
cradled, in the curve
of my arms...

You were tiny,
tiny lips, tiny eyes
tiny fingers around my thumb
tiny feet pushing my belly
your tiniest smile lit my world.

But no longer
can i let myself wander
and dream of you;
my mind drowns my heart
and makes it surrender

i close my eyes 
but now no longer
do i see anything but darkness
which now is my life, 
forever and ever.

Aadha Chaand

Half a moon, removes
the darkness
from a cold dark night

People praise the full moon
but I have my half
to myself...

I could sit here
and cry for the other
half... crave for the full

But not tonight.
Tonight, the light
of half keeps me bright...

Without the half
I would just be
a cold dark night...

Come here

Come here
And let me love you
With my eyes closed
And my arms open

Come here
And shrug off your worries
Let me pour some kisses
On your parched lips

Come here
And let me hold you
Within my heart and soul
While the world slips by

Come here
And lose your senses
Because the tangles shall disappear
Within my hair and face

Come here
And become mine
While I give myself to you
In our hidden embraces...

Inside Outburst

Sadness comes from nowhere...

Which window did i leave open?

Which door was left ajar?

The room I filled constantly with vacuum,

What cracked its strengthened walls?

Moist droplets stream down

the cheeks, that heeded no repair...

Where were these sobs hiding?

Why unbid would they pound on me?

What words would soothe their chars?

This unseen, unfelt, unknown pain,

how did they seep my cobbled veins?

How could they break into my chest?

What got them entrenched this far?

I try to push with all my might,

but where the push should start?

Enveloped with a gagging hand,

my eyes are smarting

And wailing is my heart...

And yet it clenches its fist around

Wrenching my guts, cracking my spine...

I twist and turn, I curl and burn

How would I find the will to fight?

How will I know, when end's in sight?

Despair's the word

that's screaming now.

Scrambling pulls at hope's strings

has worked no more than lifeless dreams...

I dive-in in an endless sea

I see no shore to take my hand...

Just a start

Sometimes it is the small things. The most insignificant stuff, that breaks your heart. And sometimes it takes a mountain to move you one inch. And there she was sitting by the sea shore, watching the waves ripple and letting her life float by. The waves were barely able to flirt with her toes, and she hardly felt any of that. Lost in her own stories and more stories. How is that in your own stories you are always right... Like the character who has hardly any shades of grey, while the rest are either grey or black.

If ever thoughts were tracked where all they would go. The power to move from yesterday to a decade back in an infinitesimal second. All connected all lost. And the personal and public gets blurred. Just like the salty sweat and clean dripping water from a sipper gets blurred on the skin while on the treadmill. And that’s where they met… or maybe somewhere else. Who cares???

Well, there was something common between them, or so it seemed to her at that time. But now… everyday is like this feeling of overwhelming sense of responsibility and duty and commitment to the world and the family. What do they like, what would they say, what would they want, and what do they need? Somewhere in all this she got lost. When? How? Why? Those can be only suppositions no one can really answer. And now sitting at the sea shore she is searching for a way back to herself, but she has forgotten who that was.

Everyone tells her: We love the ‘Old’ you! You had spunk, personality, aggression and madness!

But she does not know the way back to that. I mean she was no Hansel who kept dropping white pebbles to find her way back from the jungle, even the bread crumbs have been long eaten away. How do you make a drum to produce the same sound after it has been left to rot, thrown around, beaten up and broken down? She was like the bass less, rotting drum, the sticks were there, but the leather was torn.

And yet, today she has told herself to get up and start again. Maybe with patches, with a whining sound not the same timbre of confidence, she would start.  Because today, is not like the other days. Today, one of those small things have broken her into innumerable pieces and there is just no more that she can take…

It is enough...

I ask for nothing more
it is enough
that i breathe and live

i asked for moments
i got enough
to remember and relive

i asked for a bed to sleep
i got enough
to close my eyelids

i asked for a one way ticket
i got enough
places to discover and visit

i asked for only my share
i got enough days
and night to pass by on my own will

I ask for nothing more
it is enough
that i breathe and live...

Finally

...and it came down
to creating the mask
of laughter and silence...

I was told what I am not
I was made what I wasn't

and yet I have to move on
like a zombie
with no soul, no direction.

go through the processes
people call life
as death is not an option...

and yet I feel the pain
sometimes over the numbness
that has become omnipresent...

To care, was a mistake
To trust-a crime.
and I lose faith again
for the final time...

how do I start over?
which pieces to pick up,
which to leave behind?

I know that you are happy
now that
I have finally broken down....

If

If you knew I was to die
tomorrow...
Would you still be the same?
Would you care about what 
the world would say?
Or would you think how
our lives won't remain the same?
Would you kiss me and then wipe
the glitters of my lip gloss off your face?
Or would you hold me
and never let me feel the pain?

If you knew I was to die
tomorrow...
Would you still call me names behind 
my back and fake love to my face?
Or would you let me in your heart
and mend the disdain?
Would you say things that break me
into smithereens?
Or would you care to see things 
from where I see them?

If I were to die tomorrow...
Would you want me to be with you
till my last breath?
Or would you send me to 
solitary confinement for the day?
Would you want me to hold you, hug you,
want you, kiss you?
Or would you want me to wait
for the day to end?

If I were to die tomorrow...

What may seem too far for now...
You never know it might be 
just around the corner...
Where death is waiting
to make me his forever...

Like today

Somedays like today
I wish to disappear
Become non existent
Break the walls of laughter
And be my true broken self

Somedays like today
I wish I was never born
As I can't seem to get up
And break the chain
The trap of this world

Somedays like today
I feel lonelier than alone
And everything seems worthless
Breathing is tiresome
And time is to wait for death

Somedays like today
People don't matter
Neither does love
What matters is to set my
Soul free from this world

Somedays like today
Life seems more than a burden
And I don't want to carry on
The journey is endless
Of the same and the same again

Somedays like today
I wish to have the courage
To give up and give in
To my emotions and let go 
Of this life I claim my own

Somedays like today
I wish I were gone
And tomorrow never came...

Addicted

Have I told you how
I feel so alive
When your arms are around my waist...

Have I told you how
I am lost to all
When you look into my eyes...

Have I told you how
I am on cloud number nine
When your lips brush against mine...

And it breaks my soul
And I want to hide
When you become part of the real world....

And then the drug's all gone
And I am all alone
When you are in the arms of another one...

How did I get addicted?
How did I let it happen?

And now I need to move on
Take my trapped self
And bring my world back to track number one...

So here I start
Here I am again
Where it all began
Taking a bet on myself
I am now ready to fly...

Warm Winter

Slow swivel
of the waist
followed by a twist
along the toe nail

His hands tracing her...
scorching her
where they fell
leaving a hot trail...

the flutters were soft,
but only at first...
He swept her
into a frenzied trance

And wild, wild, wild
went her heart's slow beat
And nothing could hold
her passionate heat...

She flew, and trembled
her heart's deepest chord
She cried, she laughed
She touched the stars...

And as she laid back
stilling the last shivers...
She had no winter
that was this warm...

Nested bird...

And i knew,
We were past those
sweet nothings
and innocent chit chats

We had crossed
the incessant giggles
and the ever rising 
tide of passion...

Yes we liked
the occasional hug
And entwined fingers
and that's where it stopped...

I kept waiting
to hear him long for me
I kept waiting
for him to look at me

I kept hoping
he will sweep me off my feet
I kept wanting
him to forget everyone else, but me...

But we were
too caught up
in every day life
in finishing our tasks...

In all that, how to say
Let's forget the world...
Let's forget other's expectations
And let's fly like a free bird...

'Cause now i am not sure
that he would want to fly with me
Or stay in his nest
where his eggs are laid

I fell in love
with his free flying soul
but now it's tied
in his comforting home

And so this free bird
is flapping her wings
the breeze is felt
in the cage within...

The Unspoken One...

You fell into my life, like a shooting star...
Never did i believe, we will get this far...

The one i fell in love,
looks just like you...
Was it your words or your eyes
that made me desire, no one but you...

And yet we are so far...
Close in the eyes of all
We are the pair who are loved by all...

How can i share and let you into
my loneliest heart
And show you the hidden hurt...

There are only pieces of me...
One here, another thrown away
and some crushed like grains
of sand, are lost in the way...

Unknown are these emotions,
How do i begin to express,
when i have to suppress
the tears, hopes and broken words...

And then i wonder...
Why did i ever meet you
You are my highest pleasure and my deepest fall...

And yet, it is not a complain,
how do i explain...
I have chosen this pain
over the peace of a happy world...

You are mine to keep, 
and its only you i seek
My unspoken one...
Although your world has no place for me...

Not in Love...

No baby, i am not in love
love is too trite, common place
i am in need of you
part of a never ending chase
of who needs whom more...

Sometimes, just your face
makes up for the lost time
of distance, travel and busy days
But then again, it is a crime
to not hold you in a never-ending embrace...

No darling, i am not in love
how can i be in love
when i know you are forever
another's, one i can't shove
and have me instead of her...

Sometimes, i feel rejected
like some old teddy bear
which makes you laugh
but you never notice the tear
hidden behind those unblinking eyes...

No sweetheart, i am not in love
love does not make you lose
your self respect, and all the control
that stopped the world to use
and make you dependent on one soul

Sometimes, when you use me
i feel like the coveted one
i devour the moment and relive it
again and again, like a special one
only to continue the pretense...

No baby, i am not in love
'cause if i accepted that
i would fail to understand
how i have allowed all that
and still be in love with you...

Why then?

If it was to be only once,

then why did you rouse my emotion...

If it was to be just lust,

then why did you pick my heart...

If it was not to be

then why did I and you become we...

If it was to be in a land of fantasy,

then why did our lives meet in reality...

If there were terms and conditions attached

then why was the consent asked after the signed deal...

If it was another one of your game,

then why did it have to be me...

If regrets were an after thought

then why did we give love another chance...

If love had a name tag

then why can't we read our heart...

If i had to move away from your world

then why did I play my part...

If the memories were to be incomplete

then why did the fire start...

If i know the answers

then why do i still ask...

If i know where to go

then why did i lose my path...

The night

the night has come
in its inevitable way
closing in on the heart...
and words are but crutches
to hold the broken parts

we speak with the tongue
but the hearts are numb
we speak, words are polite,
in silence the chill is felt
of the love long lost...

the same warm heart
is cold with desperation
the long unending arms
reminds of separation;
of one who was to be forever...

And yet, we refuse to move on
and give love a chance
And yet, we still call 'us' friends
when we have turned strangers
caged in our own worlds

Do i give in to show my bruises?
or stay stoic and calm?
Do i share the anger, the pain,
Or look ahead, and considered vain
by those who never understand?

the night has come
and i stay awake
closing my heart from all...
and words are but crutches
to hold the broken parts...

Unfinished talk...

You see the smile, the effervescent laugh
the warmth of a hundred hearts
and miss the mist behind the eyes

You see the showers of love, in the arms of beautiful people
having the pleasures of life
not the longing of the fire crushed within

You see the pride, the unflinching confidence
the arrogance of unwavering faith
but miss the heart’s childlike innocence

Sometimes, it is too late
to look back and start afresh…
The moment no more awaits
another chance to express
the words that is now lost…

So many missed glances
of warmth and love
So many stories of lost chances
of thawing the coldest vibe
and lost is the ground for truce

And here we are
like rivers moving in different direction
starting from the same mountain
reaching for the same sea
but never to mingle together as one…

Blessed me...

In love,
this world is a blur,
our moment is longer,
while hours slip by...
That moment,
when the tips of your fingers
brushed against mine
and sent a shiver up my spine...


You moved,
your face an inch closer
an inch away from mine
letting our breath do all the talk...
And smiled,
through your deep stormy eyes
i could see no more
till there was nothing more to hide...


With you,
i know of no other
i feel no other
it is just you and me...
This world,
is just a habit to follow and be a part of
while I am a part of you and you of mine
in our parallel universe...


It is here,
we meet and share our soul
intertwined within our arms and feet
and let it break free from the shackles
Of rituals,
of fake love, faker relationships
and become a moment
that lasts an eternity...