Thunderbolt

A thunderbolt flashed across the orange hued sky, breaking through the stillness of the air pregnant with unfallen rain drops.
The noise was sudden.

Alarming

Yet, something that was not unexpected.

Faster footsteps went on around me as i lay there numb and motionless. The same feet, interspersed with a few new ones passed by me every day. The same unnoticeable existence of mine continued. With no roots, no home, nowhere to get back to, i keep moving along with the transitioning and transforming times. Kicked, beaten, stamped over by many, i continue this sojourn through life.

Did you ask how old i am? Well, i don’t remember anymore. It seems ages ago when i think about the time i finally broke away and came out on my own.

Shush!
That’s the man i like. Walking with sure and measured steps, a smile on his lips, whistling away a tune of his own, unaware of his surroundings. There lies a dreamer in him. How do i know? Reality cannot bring that smile on any man’s face.

Ah! There goes that girl...
High heels, fast steps, a slight stern expression of concentration on her face almost as if she is afraid to let a smile of hers to be seen, or a tear breaking the dams of vulnerability flow out destroying the facade of strength and determination that she puts up for the rest of the world. I am not sure whether she ever dreamt. But now, she has the lost the ability to dream.

The rains are playing truant to the people walking on. It’s like the false contraction that women get before the real one unleashes itself on them. A drop would fall here and there but the down pour is yet to come. A feeling of uncertainty lingers in the air.

Does it bother me? Not really. I enjoy this feeling of an unplanned eventuality, something absolutely non-routine and unexpected. What’s the point of living if you know what’s going to happen next?

So when they say, “It’s now or never”, i wonder how they can be so sure. This entire feeling of doing it for the present, planning for the future confuses me. I feel a strange incomprehension when i see such strong believers of planned way of life. January is winters, autumn in October, June is summer while March is springtime and the rains are sometime in May, June, July. A February rain and everyone’s loses focus, control and cannot understand how such inevitability could occur.

Ya i know i have been rambling on. But i thought i might as well give my introduction by letting you know what excites me and what depresses me, and what experiences i might have before i start talking with you. It’s not good to talk with strangers, so i hope you know me a bit better now.

And i proceed.

18th May. Another year, yet the day remains fresh in my mind...

18th May it was.
Not any different from any other day really, especially for me. But, one should never presume.

I saw some new feet moving around. They were not the usual sure footed one, but they had this suppressed excitement in them. I guess somewhat like Columbus when he landed on the shores of America. He knew it was the new lands, but was not sure whether this was what he intended to see when he completed his exploration. But well, he had something to discover anyway.

Oh my goodness! The number of new feet just seems to be increasing. It’s almost like a deluge. Some just give me that look of curiosity, but they move on as the rest of them.

Who is this? She came and sat beside me merrily talking on the phone and laughing like the world is the most amazing place. She NOTICED me!! And gave a smile. Not pity, not hatred, just a smile which asked for nothing but gave a lot to me.

And then it was kind of a ritual for both of us. I expected her to come at least once a day when she would talk like the rambling river crossing the hills, making its own path as it went. Crossing a small stone or a large boulder, but moving on. And she would look at my permanent existence after a life of travelling across the globe. She was amazed at my stability and i hoped that she would never have to stop her course like i did.

The days were hot, but she would come over at night, sitting beside me and looking at the moon.

Slowly she came once in two days, which got reduced to less than once a week and then very rarely. And now when she came, she would fight over the phone and cry quietly. She never told me what was happening. And i never asked her.

Slowly the fights were taken over monotonous emotionless conversations. It was breaking my heart to see her change from the devilish laugh to this deadpan face and unhappy smiles.

And the thunderbolt came!

Cracking through the skies and hitting the tree that had stood for years believing it would stay forever. The roots were weak now and it fell, thrashing itself as well as the other smaller trees and flowers around it.

She was quiet for some days. But slowly the sun rose amongst the clouds of July through the mists of December and January and i could see the smile coming back.

It was not the same; it can never be the same. But well, isn’t change the only truth of life? She comes sometimes to sit beside me. I know she likes my sense of rootedness in transition. She will be leaving me soon, but we are living in the present without thinking too much about the future.’

Ouch! That hurt... They stamp on you and walk away, without a sorry or excuse me.

Oh, so you finally asked who i am?

I am the rolling stone.

Love me tender, love me wild

...and the day is near

when i shall hold you in my arms

…and let the moment linger on as

i count the stars and whisper

my love for you.

…and promise nothing more

or less to you…

…and as i look into your face

and you into mine,

we say no words,

but bare our souls and listen

to the hearts’ beats…

You shower your love on

my eyes n ears n cheeks n lips

…and my fingers trace your face

i clasp your arms and feet…

…and as the moment flies

we rock on to the skies

Love me tender, love me wild

coz you are my man and i your woman still

…and all i have is for you my dear

for you alone, i live

Empty words
Fill the air, water and sky
Pages fly

Tears splash
Waterproof souls
Oasisless sands
Spreads its wings
Covers us all...

Thoughts fly
No resting sky...
Nests are made

And broken...

Pieces of it
Call out n cry
Scream silently
N then die...

Nothingness
And isolation stay...

Love is raped
Hate prevails...

Plastic smiles
And tears
Go on and on...

The unpublished story

My dad calls me pari..an angel, the jewel of his eyes. My mom looks after all my small small needs. i love to sing and prance around the whole house. They look at me and smile.

But i am not a pari...not any longer. i am scared to move around the house..what if?...no, dont tell anyone...if you do, then dad wont love me anymore and mom will shut me outside the house... why? because he said so...

He used to take me around the house when mom was busy cooking food and then he would tell me stories..stories that i would love to hear again n again..but then...

i used to sit in front of the mirror for hours on end...combing my hair,smiling and looking the left side and the right...i hate the mirror that shows me my face now...i want to run away and hide...i dont want anyone to see me..

yesterday when i got back from school, there were a few guys who passed me by and said loudly- sexy! i asked mom and she said it was bad word..never use it again..How did the guys know about it...i did not say anything...that means everyone can see that i am bad, impure...oh!! where will i hide....

he said i deserved it...that i looked pretty..that i danced..that i invited attention...why didn't i wrap it up and hide from the rest of the world...he said if i tell anyone they would throw me away forever...

But i hated it, those crude hands...i want to scream..want to breakapart..but i cant...

why me? why why why me??

the pari's white dress has been dirtied like the gutter..her hair's uncombed...her dance has left her...she is holding on to the small threads...i am living ..but for how long...

"My tears don't fall, they drown my soul..."

Ways of the world...

From love to dogs...and well extending it to various other thoughts...
Some of you might have heard of the mauling of a small child by a group of dogs in banglore...atleast the media people had a field day at the expense of the grieving parents...And the solution? Kill all street dogs! Not just in Banglore but wherever they can be seen.
i am a dog lover and though i was sympathetic towards the parents who lost their child i found the reaction intolerable.It is this mob reaction that has gripped us all for ages now. And somehow i feel that we are becoming more intolerant and fanatical towards everything. Patience and analysing things with a cool head is something that we hardly see.Its easy to kill the dogs..they can just yelp but dont have their own voice or that of the media to speak for them.They dont have Unions to represent them...lawyers to fight for them.Those who try to protect them are called heartless to human pain. 'What if it was your own daughter?' is the justification behind it all.
And then we see terrorism. If one muslim is proven guilty a mob starts rioting and plans to eliminate all the so called terrorist. If a hindu destroys a religious monument the muslims blame all the hindus to have been behind it all.
i was told as a child that 'As you sow so shall you reap'..and we are sowing hatred everywhere...Its not consideration but revenge that we hear everywhere..Cricketers' houses are being damaged for playing badly...but does that help?
if i dont do well in my exams will my teachers go and hit my brother because he is of the same bloodline and one should teach him a lesson for having a stupid sister like me??!!!
But do people actually see the illogical logic behind the mob attacks and mass reaction?
They dont and people forget...but i just hope that there would be a few people left with this continuing way of the world...

Love...again!

i know its kind of cliche to talk about love...but for someone who is perpetually in love its difficult to think of anything better to start with!
whenever anyone talks about love there is a lurking mischief maker hiding around the corner who tries to make things difficult...and well that's commitment!...and do i despise that word!
i am among those who believe in free love...love people you want to..maybe one maybe two maybe hundred or more...how can anyone decide that it has to be that one single person,when there are so many people who have something or the other nice in them??
What is fidelity? What is the basis of all the moral talks that people have been teaching us for ages?
i find it very funny...i am not saying that one goes ahead and has frivolous relationships...but dont force that commitment tag on people...if your love is true it will stand the test of time and distance...if you hold on to it for the sake of keeping a promise..well god save you!