Rehaan Ria Part 4

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, 
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it 
where's the sense in that? 
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder 
Or return to where we were 
I will go down with this ship 
And I won't put my hands up and surrender 
There will be no white flag above my door 
I'm in love and always will be

…
And when we meet 
Which I'm sure we will 
All that was there
Will be there still 
I'll let it pass 
And hold my tongue 
And you will think 
That I've moved on…

Ria was beating the coffee while the water was heating up for the maggi.

I had to rush out of the room before he could sense my feelings. Girlfriend. He has a girl friend. That is a simple fact. Why does that upset me? I am in a relationship too. Why does it feel unfair if he loves someone else too? How can I feel jealous? Possessive? And that too about a person I met last night? I, who believes in unconditional and unbounded love feels like holding this man as ONLY mine. What is going on with me? Why do I feel like abandoning everything that I have built all my life and just leave with this stranger?

Stranger? Is he a stranger? How could a stranger melt me and reach to the core of my soul and make me so vulnerable? How could he take out the best and the worst out of me? How could he break down the walls of defence I have had around me and make me feel the way I feel for him? How is that when he touched me it felt like I had wasted all the years of my life by not meeting him before? How can someone be a stranger and do that to me?

What about Darsh and me? Am I so fickle minded that I can forget all our years of love in a passing moment of passion? Do I not love him? The funny thing is I do. Rehaan has not changed my feelings for Darsh. But what do I do now? Whenever he looks at me with those eyes I turn reckless. Maggi and coffee that is all I could mumble to run away from his hypnotic gaze. I forgot all my hurt, all my ego, self respect the moment he started speaking. How could he manage that?

It held on when the storm came

and battered it hard

It bore the endless heat of the sun

with pleasure

The mighty rains could do nothing more

than softly caress its borders

While the chilly wind

showed it how long it could hold off the cold

But with the first nudge of spring

a grasshopper

danced on its rims

tickling it with its mere whiskers

And the leaf fell off

scattered

on the road…

“Mmm…the coffee smells good.”

He had wrapped her navy blue towel around his waist and looked like a freshly baked cake. Delicious.

“I like my maggi to be a little spicy and less soupy. You okay with that?”

Can I ever make conversation beyond maggi?

“I like maggi in any form.”

She had this eye for details; strong opinions and choices in even the most mundane thing like whether the maggi should be soupy or spicy. Also it was the way in which she served it on the plate; one spoon on the first plate and one on the other, trying to ensure maximum equality in distribution of food.

I haven’t seen anybody with such clear thoughts about what she wants. Like yesterday…

“Are you sure I can stay in? What if…?”

“Stop thinking. Just do as I say. I love it that way.”

Heaven.

“Breakfast’s ready. Here you go.”

“It is perfect.”

“Maggi is not rocket science you know.”

“I was talking about this moment…”

“What happened? The shower cleaned up your fears?”

“No. But this moment is perfect just like the cigarettes yesterday…”

Ah! That was dramatic.

“I want to have cigarettes. It has always fascinated me why people have cigarettes in Hollywood movies, right after…this…”

“I think I might have one in my purse. You ok with Lights?”

“Yes. Perfect.”

The joy on his face to have lived his fantasy was worth the weird demand of cigarettes while he was still in my embrace.

“I am in a relationship too. But I never thought it was important for you to know it. I don’t know the reason why, but I love you.”

There. It was out of my system.

“How could you say the same thing that I wanted to tell you? I don’t know the reason why, but I love you too.”

There. It was out of my system.

“I wish you hadn’t said that though, Ria. I love Shraddha a lot, and I would not want to hurt her in any way. And neither would I want you to get hurt. I wish I could make clones of me right now. One for you, one for her.”

Shraddha. A name that will haunt me forever. 

“I am not asking anything from you. I don’t expect anything from you. I just want you to know that I will be there. Name it whatever you want: friend, lover, or just Ria. I just want you to know that you should never feel lonely, ‘cause I won’t anymore. I know you are there. Even when I don't see you.”

It took all my strength to say that; to let go, to not ask for my share.

He came over to hug her and they stayed in that embrace for a long time. She could hear his heart beats, loud and fast. It was like someone’s heartbeat when he is running to catch a train which has already started moving.

Don't do this Ria. Don't do this. I know how you feel. Let me love you.

“ I think you should leave.”

“I am unable to.”

“Don’t worry. We will meet. Somewhere. And you know where to find me if you need me. But right now you should leave.”

“Ria…” “Rehaan… If it is in our destiny to be together, then we will meet again. And if it is not, then we can live with the happiness of this one day when I had you with me.”

“Ria…” “Rehaan… Leave before I falter.”

“Let us at least keep in touch.”

“No. We can’t just keep in touch. So there is no point in doing that.”

And he left; leaving his memory amongst the dead furniture and the wet navy blue towel that wrapped him for some moments. And her soul left alive, waiting for his return. Someday.

The little sparrow squeaks

and pleads

with its mother

“Don’t push me mother.

I will fall and die.

Hold me mother,

Hold me I can’t fly.”

Push it gets

and it screams and yelps

Lashing its unformed wings

against the harsh winds

to reach its mom’s side.

It falls once

and one more time

Before his wings

the air could swing

and he could fly

The mother sighed

To see him fly

Away he went

into the endless sky

And she waited

to see him one more time

by her side...