Four, not a bad score

So who was it? Did he say it or did you pop the question?
One of the most common question that has been thrown at me. Who proposed whom?

And every time there is this awkward pause. How do you explain to anyone that neither of us really proposed. It was just a moment and we knew.

We gave no gifts
We made no speech
No letters shared
No words were there
He held my glance
i held that stare
Our hearts just knew
The love was there...

So unlike most people we don't exactly have a "day". But we picked up one that made some sense. I was in love, he fell in love too.

Love was in the air
It was so rare
The first i was
to breathe it in
He saw me breathe
He saw me live
i fell in love
he fell in love with me...

Some people come to meet him to find out what really clicks for me. I don't know what they analyse and conclude. I have never found a reason, a WHY that would explain it all.

It was not the laugh
[for sure]

or the loud voice
[Give me some cotton for my ears!]

Could it be the BIG sounding words
or the face of Pooh the BIG bear?
[may be... may be not...]

The (mock) seriousness about everything
Or the tension filled eyes?
[breathe in, breathe out
the world will live another day]
Never found a reason
Never found my WHY

And so after 4 years of our so called official "date", i sit and wonder, where would i be if i had decided on taking a flight & missed our bus ride? Would i be the same? What would have changed?

Life changes
every other day
i am not the one i was
you are not the one you were


and yet i feel something
something insane
when you don't take my call
when you travel away for your work
when i wake up
and don't find your face
nestled in my arms

And so i say
four years from that day
i know not why
i know not how
but i love you
and i'll always do

As we speak again

When was it last
that your thought went past
my mind? What a contrast
from the days & weeks
i spent in the dream
of you making me go weak
in the knees?

Such is the case
that within your embrace
lies my last love, my last grace.
i fold my hands into one
but i find no one
who would show me the dawn.

i held my peace
then. But now my smiles cease
to make any sense, to ease
the pain i feel every hour
and i want to devour
every single memory of the same.

But they just won't leave
their nets they weave
around my life & i believe
it would not change
till i arrange
all the bits & pieces i have got in exchange
for my whole heart
that you have broken apart
in your success chart

So tell me
as we speak again
what do you wish to gain
in return of wreaking havoc again
in my life so plain?
Won't you stop the game?

Now how?

I heard those lines
Someone had read them
Some other day
In the same rhythm

I heard those words
They were the same
But had lost the touch
Lost the charm

You said you knew
I said I knew
But they were forgotten
As time flew

Searching for the source
I walk again
You think it has a reason
You still think i am sane

Forgotten in some corner
I lie on a soft bed
Comfortable but numb
Fearing to tread

The road is narrow
There is no road
Just another dead end
For my mind to bend

And you smile
And walk away
Leaving me ruffled
Choosing your way